The following is a list of all entries from the adulthood category.
So, strangely enough, my 25th birthday is coming up in about 2 weeks, and I think I’m having a quarter-life crisis! My friends are getting so old that I’m starting to have to purchase things like winnie the pooh baby bedding for their kids, and other adult presents like United states coins for my nerdy coin collecting friends. What happened to fun gifts, games, books, stocking stuffers?? Anyways-off to a Christmas party to watch my waste-line expand with cookies and too much dinner!
My mind is so shifty. It’s a jumble of stories and make believe and second guesses. I float around not knowing what next or what I want. I breathe in and hope that maybe my next breath will be one of certainty. I am content with my life, but sometimes I feel a stir. It’s a stir in my heart because my logic and heart always battle. I feel this stir and never know what to do next. It’s strange being happy yet feeling an incredible uncertainty about what I want or what I should do next or who I am.
I am back, back from a weekend that was stressful and hard. After that weekend I realized that this is my home now. My friends are the only things home about that place. My home is where I am comfortable, and I am not comfortable there. I feel like myself here, but not there. That used to be the place where I was myself, and now it leaves me feeling confused and like I really don’t belong because I don’t. I will walk up my steps to my apartment and look out my two huge kitchen windows into a world of cement and unclassy neighbors and feel at home. There is comfort in knowing that the strange man on the corner will always be listening to his boom box and the high school boys will stand on our doorstep smoking and ignore us as we walk to our door. It isn’t something that would normally make people comfortable, but here this is what I know. I find comfort in the consistency.
I am indeed growing and changing everyday. I can feel it. It is so strange to go back to a place that once felt like home and realize it is not the same at all. The people are different, the place is different, and the feelings you get when you are there are different. The cold cement even was inviting in the past and now I see it as it is…cold cement. That pavement was the home to many night walks, many memories, and now those memories are lost in the change. I used to feel at home, now I just feel crazy. This place is not the place I once knew. I go there for one reason…a few of the people that I truly love are still there. We all change, but some people are just worth crossing back into a world I once belonged.
This weekend I visited an old friend, and the trip in general gave me the reaffirmation that I am indeed entering into the world of adulthood. I’m not the only one on my own, my friends are on their own too. We painted her living room green, a beautiful bright green just beckoning for visitors to enter the wooden frame of the front door into a world all her own. The color is so playful yet the whole concept of painting one’s own house negates being a child anymore. I know I am growing up, and it’s the simple things like painting a living room that show me that adulthood doesn’t have to be scary.